Working as a consultant can be challenging, especially when you spend a lot of time and effort on a project only to have your client ignore your recommendations. This can lead to feelings of frustration, anger, and even grief. Here’s a detailed, easy-to-understand guide on how to deal with these emotions. For an example from one of my own projects, head over to Boston Biking Trails App.

Understanding Why It Hurts

When you invest a lot in a project, it’s natural to feel attached to it. We often put our heart and soul into our work, so when a client decides not to follow our advice, it can feel like a personal rejection. Understanding why you feel this way is the first step to dealing with it.

Step 1: Recognize Your Feelings

First, it’s important to acknowledge your feelings. Understand that it’s normal to feel upset or frustrated. Don’t try to ignore these emotions; instead, accept them as a natural and valid response.

  • Mindfulness: Mindfulness involves paying attention to your thoughts and feelings without judgment. When feeling anger, frustration, or another emotion, take a moment to simply acknowledge what you’re feeling. Name the emotion(s) and remind yourself that they are normal. Then practice letting the emotion(s) go. If you’re interested, practicing mindfulness techniques like meditation, deep-breathing exercises, or simply taking a moment to sit quietly and focus on your breathing can help you stay calm and aware of your emotions.

Step 2: Look at the Situation Differently

Try to see the situation from another perspective. Instead of seeing the client’s decision as a rejection of you or your work, view it as part of the business process where many factors influence decisions. This can help you detach emotionally and see the bigger picture.

  • Turn It Around: Focus on the skill(s) you developed/honed and the knowledge you gained during the project. Every project helps you grow professionally, regardless of the outcome. For example, think about how this project improved your research skills or how you can use the insights you gained in future projects.

Step 3: Talk to Someone Who Understands

Sharing your feelings with friends, colleagues, or a professional counselor can be very helpful. Talking to others who understand your field can provide comfort and new insights. Don’t be surprised if they also have encountered the same or similar situations. We cannot go it alone and thrive.

  • Professional Groups: Join professional networks or support groups where you can share experiences and get advice. For instance, attending monthly meetups with similar entrepreneurs can provide a platform to discuss challenges and learn from each other’s experiences. Check your local Chamber of Commerce for their meetings or a list of local professional organizations for small businesses. Many groups also meet virtually, making it easier to get the support we need.

Step 4: Make Sure You Have Realistic Expectations

From the beginning, you make sure to set realistic expectations with your clients. Remind yourself that while you provide recommendations, it’s up to them to decide what to do.

  • Review Your Agreements: Remind yourself that your recommendations are suggestions, not obligations. Remember that most of us include a clause in our contracts that outlines our responsibility to provide informed recommendations and that implementing them is at the client’s discretion.

Step 5: Focus on What You Can Control

Feeling frustrated and angry often comes from a sense of losing control. It’s only natural that you would expect your insights to be recognized and implemented, however, we cannot force our clients to do what research says is best. Focus on what you can control, such as the quality of your work and how you present your recommendations.

  • Be Proud of Competent Work Products: Ensuring that your work is always top-notch will give you a sense of accomplishment and control over your efforts. Things you can control would include, double-checking your reports for accuracy and clarity, making sure your presentations are well-prepared and engaging, etc.

Step 6: Be Kind to Yourself

It’s important to practice self-compassion. Understand that frustrations such as these are a part of a consultant’s life and treat yourself kindly during these times. Ask yourself: would you talk to a friend the way you’re talking to yourself? Don’t beat yourself up over things that are out of your control.

  • Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on what went well and acknowledge the hard work you put in. Using a notepad, Google doc, et., to keep track of your successes, whether personal or professional. This is where you write down your achievements and positive experiences to remind yourself of your strengths and progress when you experience disappointment in the future. It’s especially helpful to keep records of praise you’ve received from various clients.

Step 7: Only Revisit After a Break

Take a break away from the project before revisiting it with the client.

  • Feedback: Ask for feedback to understand the client’s decision better. For example, request a debrief meeting with the client to discuss what they felt worked and what didn’t, and, if applicable, use this information to refine your future strategies.

Conclusion

As I understand too well, when a client doesn’t follow your advice, it can be emotionally challenging. By recognizing and accepting your feelings, looking at the situation from a new perspective, talking to others, focusing on what you can control, being kind to yourself, learning from the experience, and setting realistic expectations, you can learn to anticipate and manage these emotions. These steps can help you stay strong and resilient in your consultancy career, ensuring that you continue to provide value while maintaining your emotional well-being.